


Smell the Blood in the River

by Tasyfa



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst with a Hopeful Ending, M/M, alexmanesweek2019, do not copy to other sites
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-04
Updated: 2019-05-04
Packaged: 2020-02-18 12:34:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18699703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tasyfa/pseuds/Tasyfa
Summary: Alex Manes Appreciation Week 2019 - Day OnePrompt: Dreaming with a broken heart...Five times a depressed Alex dreams about Guerin + one time he's awake.





	Smell the Blood in the River

**Author's Note:**

> While the ending is hopeful, as tagged, the majority is angst, of the "Alex's issues" variety. So, trigger warning for anyone feeling particularly down on themself - maybe bookmark for later. Self care first, fic later. <3
> 
> I haven't written anything super angsty in a long time, and I wasn't planning to now, but that's where the story wanted to go!  
> ~Tas

* * * * *

In daylight hours, Alex has courage. He can dig his heels in and puff his chest out with the best of them.

He can handle things. 

It's late at night when that courage sometimes falters. When the stars have stripped away his illusions and he's left with only himself. 

In the lonely solitude of darkness, Alex can admit he is nothing and no one of import. 

He stays awake as long as he can when this mood hits, knowing it will invade and conquer his mind, and in sleep, he has no way to fight back. 

But sleep has its own agenda and it doesn't require permission from Alex to implement its will. 

And so his eyes close and his breathing slows, sinking him deep into fears he won't acknowledge with his voice, shining a light where Alex never wants one. 

Images drift through the dreaming, overlaid by a soundtrack of remembered passion.

* * * one * * *

_A woman he knows, warm caramel skin and a sunshine smile. Sex isn't a context Alex has for Maria but Guerin does. The safe haven she can offer him, Alex cannot match. He's too tainted._

* * * two * * *

_A man he doesn't know. Faceless, nameless. Fucking Guerin in a position Alex's broken body can't hold anymore._

* * * three * * *

_His childhood best friend, putting Guerin on his knees. Worthy of the worship in a way he wasn't as a teenager. They've traded places now, he and Kyle. Alex is the worthless adult._

* * * four * * *

_Lips parting to suck in air, Guerin moaning, trapped in the middle of two pairs of loving hands. The kind of thorough, wanton attention he deserves, that Alex can never give him. He cannot bear the idea of sharing, not in this way._

* * * five * * *

_Guerin, hand wrapped around his cock, stroking lazily as he waits. For Alex. Time stretches and snaps until his hand falls open, body gone soft in disappointment. Alone. Always alone. Abandoned._

_His own face does not appear._

* * * plus one * * *

Alex startles awake at the hand on his shoulder and blinks up at the intruder. "Guerin? What are you doing here? What time is it?"

"Uh, late, you should be in bed instead of hanging off your couch," sleep rough and sarcastic, so very _him_ that it makes Alex smile despite himself. 

"As for why, you texted me. Said you were in a mood and probably shouldn't be alone. So... now you aren't." 

"I did?" Alex can't remember. 

The smile Guerin gives him looks like his voice sounds, exasperation and affection in equal measure, and Alex shrugs, something easing inside him. "Can you help me to bed?" 

He understands Guerin's surprise; Alex is usually reluctant to request help. But he's beyond caring tonight. And it doesn't matter if Guerin witnesses his weaknesses because Alex knows his window of opportunity has closed and there is no going back. Guerin's opinion of him is no longer relevant. 

He doesn't protest when Guerin hoists him into a bridal carry, using his powers to open and close doors and pull down the bedcovers. Alex slides limply onto the bed when Guerin lets go, curling into a ball around one of the many pillows piled there. 

Behind him, Guerin sighs. "You really are in a bad way." He hears boots hitting the floor and the jangle of a belt buckle. Then the mattress dips and there's warmth wrapping around Alex, Guerin's body heat diminished not a whit by the T-shirt and underwear. Thin cotton is no barrier to alien biology. 

"Go to sleep, Alex. I'm going to." 

Steady, calm words in a steady, calm tone, punctuated by a yawn. 

Alex's eyes prickle even as he closes them, and he lets the tears drip down his face, silent and slow. 

The peace of sleep follows. 

 

 

[Et fini]

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi on Tumblr if you'd like; same username. My ask box is open! 
> 
> And yes, same Tasyfa as in the OG Roswell fandom once upon a time.  
> ~Tas


End file.
